Wednesday, December 7, 2011

WWS 2- Working in a post-communist society

Before moving to the country of Albania, I could not have given you the answer to this question. My intended audience is very likely to be a group of students who are similar to who I was at the age of 16 to 18. I personally had not lived in another country, and hadn't actually traveled outside of the country until the age of 18 when I went on the Germany trip with Frau Horton. So post-communism environment was a far away idea that I had little to no concept of.  I am by no means an expert, I merely have my perceptions to draw from. 


"Meqënëse gjithçka zotërohek bashkërisht, asnjëri nuk ishte vertet ne komandë, asnjeri nuk ishte e interesuar. Çdo individ ishte çliruar nga përgjegjësitë sepse ai ose ajo ia përcillte niveleve me te larta, institucionale."


"Since everything was collectively owned, no one was really responsible; no one was in charge, no one cared. Every individual was absolved [translated to exonerated] of responsibility because he or she delegated it to a higher level, that of an institution." 
- Café europa, life after communism, by Slavenka Drakulić


Might as well delve right into it, what makes working in this country difficult and why Peace Corps is placed here. When speaking to the situations that are faced, I am drawing from my own experiences and reflections after having lived here for 9 months or so. Serving with the komuna, the local municipality of the Village of Ksamil, I have a counterpart who I work with in order to build up his capacity of work productivity. 


A typical work day in Ksamil consists largely of being at work but not necessarily being productive. Often I see people spending a large amount of time at coffees discussing the issues of the area which are frequent power outages, corruption, half destroyed buildings created by the government, lack of economic development in the off season, etc. (To be discussed in different posts). 


The quote I begin with is by an author who was generally writing about the situation of post-communist countries. She herself was from Croatia. In Albanian society there was the added issue that the country was completely exclusionary. Such as North Korea is now, borders were closed and people were not allowed to leave the country. Enver Hoxha, the dictator, created a system of fear in the people. He instilled in them the belief that they were the best in the world and must protect themselves from the influence of Western culture. It's estimated up to 750,000 concrete bunkers (extremely debatable, presumably one for every many) were constructed around the country to perpetuate this concept of immediate attack. Of course looking at the history of Albania, a centrally located country, this was something instilled in the people for decades as it was constantly besieged and taken over in the past. Along with visible restrictions of the people, people lived in a constant fear of one another as potential secret spies.


So referring back to my original quote. What this means to be working in this society is that there is this perpetual system of what is now corruption in order to continue functioning in a manner that was previously acceptable. It begins in the stages of elementary students. Here the children are passed through despite their grades because the school's standing is in jeopardy if there are lowering passing students. The system then is incorporated into their entire lives. Knowing that their teachers will be forced to give them a passing grade, students do not take a personal initiative to be successful and they  rely upon higher positions to hand down what is needed. As it was during communism time, you relied upon the higher beings to hand down to your assignments and to regulate your progress. And in a perfect society this works, but most evidently did not as supplies dwindled and people struggled to rely upon their governing bodies to give their necessities. 


So following this teaching of the infrastructure many students still attend university where corruption is rampant, it is very commonly well known even. I've known volunteers who have worked in the universities and have had their best students grades changed to be lowered and vice versa. Even, (oh ya btw Mom and Dad) I was dating an Albanian man for a time being who openly discussed with me the cost for his payoff to his professors. You pay the school for the course, as is normal, then sometimes you need to pay off your professor, and pay for a passing grade on your exams. 


The obvious effects of this being an incompetent work force. Positions in jobs are granted through who you know and who you owe and lack of educated and qualified personnel in higher positions is prevalent. As working in government is what I'm particularly doing, and planning is what I'm educated in, I can see that the most obvious effects is the need of improved understanding of application of long term planning/any planning at all. Village improvements are at the whim of the governing body. Every 4 years a new mayor of the municipality is installed and rewards those that got him to this position with jobs, whether or not they are qualified. Then practices of scapegoating, lack of personal responsibility for work, little to no interest in statistically proven inventive programming. 


Whew, that is quite a bit, I know. But the system that perpetuates this needs a re-haul at all stages, this is just a small section of course. The entire being of corruption in this post-communist society goes much deeper into the federal government level, which I'm not as educated on. 


How one goes about solving these problems is also up for attack. On one hand imposing Western ideals is not a solution, but yet it is what is currently desired by the people. And 
I was never very much of an American patriot, I could write blog after blog about the lack of servicing of the needs of the American people. But living here has further opened up my eyes to the Western mentality which is that there is a reason why the United States is one of the most powerful nations in the world. As we are raised we in general are held to a very high level of expectancy. America is a culture of protestant work ethic citizens that have the experience of large scale efficient processes and reliance on methods, statistics, and productivity. 


It is easy to point the finger and say, "hey Albania, get your shit together", and believe me I do too often. But this is coming from me American girl taught I can be what ever I want to be. Here, the outlook can be bleak at times. Besides corruption, what does one do if your language is only spoken by about 6 million people worldwide? Can you adequately seek the resources of often Western English speaking countries to assist yourself? Do you work with your own corrupt government system? 


By no means do I describe everyone. I merely am describing reflections on the system I am observing. Of course, this is the reason for placing volunteers here. We are here to build capacity, teach Western work ethic, deny the use of corruption, employ our understanding of English to educate other, and well.. try to help do something some how.


One shining light in all this is a student organization created and conducted by Peace Corps volunteers to empower students to the potential of a better tomorrow. My own involvement with clubs at a young age furthered a passion and anxiousness to do something more with my life. Growing up in the land of the plenty, these opportunities to do something for me were obvious. But here in Albania, the need for encouragement is monumental for youth who face what can sometimes feel like impossible odds.


I hope that this post explains more. It can't be quite understand without seeing it first hand but educating one self is the first step to understanding. I felt helpless to what I was taught about the struggles of so many other countries around the world. Perhaps some day you'll consider Peace Corps or some other program to give some of the gift of well.. luck one has of being raised in a secure environment. 


If you are interested in learning more about the Outdoor Ambassador program and perhaps in some small way wish to start to make a difference do please check out our newest drive for our upcoming Youth Leadership Training. 
The youth of Albania are the future for this country, a new generation outside of communist regimes and lifestyles and this club is hoping to be a part of the creation of a morally conscious, active, positive, hopeful era of leaders. 



Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Giving Thanks


I’ve been living in Albania for almost 9 months now. Past blogs can demonstrate the thoughts that pass through my mind of failure, unhappiness, and downright depression at times. These aren’t things any of you necessarily want to know about. I set myself up with this objective with high hopes and big plans, I’m learning still that the cookie cutter idea of Peace Corps is nonexistent. We do what we can, as we can and those wonderful stories you here afterwards back at home, those are the best of the best times. They don’t talk about the completely desolate feeling of living alone surrounded by people who don’t understand what you’re saying.  The frustrations I have felt in the past months still rise up at times and most definitely will more in the future as I get back to working more and trying to do something here. But this blogpost isn’t like the others I have been doing.

I just got back from the trip to Jamaica with my whole family for my sister Cami’s wedding. It’s an astonishing weirdness to being so suddenly transplanted from this culture I’ve so drastically been swearing at in this blog, my diary, to my family, and friends to home, America. Living in America we forget that we are one of the most privileged countries in the world. Coming home I’m starkly reminded that this glorified idea that the Albanians I work with hold America to is not always correct. So frankly I was reminded of this when I went to Walmart in Streator. And then we went to Jamaica which is a site that Peace Corps is placed and which is also strikingly poor and struggling in parts.

Well the first day or so I was in America I spent the majority of it working on goal 2 (?) of Peace Corps, sharing with Americans information about the country I’m serving in. Meaning, I just kept talking on and on about things that hit me as adversely different from what I’ve been seeing in Albania. But I found myself complaining about both of these cultures, I’m a bit of a cynic (as though that is not obvious). But there are so many good times I’ve had here and I do not give the adequate praise for both of these civilizations. Long term I hope that the more positive aspects of the culture of Albania will come through in my posts but today I’m mainly reflecting upon the impacts and the thankfulness I feel for those supporting my service.

So Mom and Dad, I’m extremely indebted to you two. Thank you for keeping me going here in Albania with the numerous care packages. At times, rather random things that pop into my head that I thought I needed in order to survive, well maybe they’re obviously unnecessary and silly in retrospect but the thought that people overseas haven’t forgotten me and are still wishing to make things go better is so highly appreciated. But not only material comforts but this great adventure of 32 hours of plane rides and 16 hours on a bus; was definitely this drastic undertaking that empowered me to believe that set with a grand task I was able to accomplish things. But then being there and being provided everything I needed and not scrounging to cook something, get somewhere, cleanup something, do my laundry, andhave enough money to get something; well thanks Mom and Dad for being parents and taking on the stress of caring for me and letting me be young. And though I still verbally kick and complain when offered advice about the situation I’m facing, as I have always been your most obstinate daughter, I’m still listening. I’m terrible at accepting praise and criticism but I am listening and am trying to work on practicing, “prudence, patience, and perseverance.”

I had an amazing time in Jamaica. It is such a wonderfully beautiful place free of post-communist cold buildings and cuddling up to space heaters with 5 layers on. It wasn’t only the all-inclusive resort with a never ending bar and food that I enjoyed, but a shumebukur wedding. Cami and Jake thank you for getting married in Jamaica. Thank you for giving me a big reason to come home AND to go there. When you decided to do this Cami I thought, this is the weirdest thing you have ever conceived. Who would think cut off t-shirt, workout freak, bus driving Cami would want this type of wedding? Not I for sure but I guess it’s in the releasing the control of the details that made it such a fantastic experience for all of us. I, as maid of honor, sure didn’t have a lot of time to make the little do dads called for in more traditional weddings. We all merely showed up, partied, and then celebrated. You of course set the bar pretty high, and probably the only way to beat it is a wedding in Albania (C’armendonti R?). Just kidding, the experience of trying to teach Jake, John, and Chris traditional circle dancing has shown me otherwise.

In a larger sense all of those that support us, myself and other PC volunteers, are highly appreciated. Kara, the French press you sent me is fueling my caffeine drive right now to get this completed. The other day my friend Alana posted a status in reference to an evening her mother helped create for us. She had received a care package of materials necessary to make hot wings and being the completely amazing cook that she is whipped them up for some of us. We spent that evening singing, dancing, watching Ryan make a fool of himself, laughing until we were crying, and spending time with friends. I have to agree with her that it was one of the best nights I’ve ever had in Albania. Brought together by a care package to remind us of what the simple pleasures of what wing nights in America were like and going above and beyond that experience to become a glorification of our culture.

I’m not to the point of extreme culinary skills that Alana has achieved, but I’m working on it. It’s with the help of my family that I hope to be a better person here, even if it is in the smallest of ways, being a better cook. But it’s not only my family that I need to give thanks for here. How much religion has been a part of my life is debatable; how much Park Church has been is not. I have some great memories in Park Church and some very sad ones as well. This was the place I was able to be privy to large scale musical programs, dynamic illustrated tales, and an extension of family. And since I’ve been here, the number of cards and personal notes from church members was unanticipated but remarkable. So thank you to all those that are keeping me in their thoughts and prayers, if so inclined. It is the gift that I received from the church that made this coming holiday possible for many of us here, as I put the money towards our feast.

This Thanksgiving our southern Albania PC tribe is getting together to give thanks together. For me and perhaps some others at the table, this is the first Thanksgiving away from home. However, without a doubt, the goodwill shared with us from all the people we’re tied to will be present at our table. Ten people may be sitting down in Tepelenapasneser but indeterminate amounts of people brought this together. Thank you to all of you, you are present and active in creating the best of the best times of our Peace Corps service. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Care Package Wishlist

I have broken this into categories so there isn't confusion on what is something I actually need and what would be great to have as a present, but completely not really necessary. The last section is the projects section, which aren't pertinent but again only if you wish. Sorry if I'm asking too much. People ask what I need/want and I'm just putting it out there. I think in general you can see which wishes are far fetched and only if we run out of things or if they're really cheap and can just be thrown in. Like.. peppermint extract not a very large priority. I just have this idea of trying to do as many recipes in the cookbooks I have as possible.

* Alterations made on 12-21-11, the following are all that I can find left that my amazing family hasn't sent me. Again, completely not necessary.


- Taco seasoning mixes- are always a good thing
- Chili pepper
- Spices: cardamon, saffron
- Canned artichoke- I love artichoke.
- Pudding: lemon, butterscotch
- Aprons

Art/ Clothing projects
- IDEA store by the pound old school dress designs

Gardening projects- most of these really aren't even wanted until the Spring anyway
- Seeds- Asparagus*, green beans*, beets, broccoli*, cabbage, carrots, sweet corn, cauliflower, horseradish*, lettuce, okra, onions, peanuts, sugar snap peas*, peppers, pumpkin, radishes*, rhubarb*, spinach, tomato, watermelon,
*- hard to find in Albania

Cooking projects
- Cheese- liquid starter or DVI dry starter, rennet tablets, Propionibacterium shermanii culture (not sure if this is the same as starter, 
- General- Healthy living cook books
- Cooking- poultry seasoning, liquid smoke

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Worldwise School Program Post #1- Introduction

What is the Worldwise School Program? 
This is a correspondence program where I will share with Mr. Tyne's classrooms information about the history, culture, sociology, etc. of Albania. As well, I will share information about Eastern Europe in general, Peace Corps, and any other topics or questions that are posed to me. 


Who am I?


Casey Loving. I am 23. I grew up on a farm Northwest of Streator, attended Streator High School, and graduated in 2006. I went to the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign and graduated early in December 2009 with a Bachelor of Arts in Urban and Regional Planning and a minor in Gender and Women's Studies. 


While at university I began an unpaid internship at the Champaign Downtown Association (CDA), this position evolved to me being the sole employee as Staff Director and hiring other unpaid interns. The focus of this organization was to improve and market Downtown Champaign. While working for the CDA, I started social media marketing for a downtown nonprofit art gallery. My decision to complete school early was due to the opportunity to take over operations of the gallery. I became the Gallery Director of Indi Go Artist Co-Op in January 2010. In 2010 we had 34 art exhibits and 19 additional events. Check it out on Facebook for lots of photos.  


I applied for Peace Corps while I was still a junior in college. For a full story on the application check out this past blog entry. In short terms I received a placement in March 2010, and officially chosen for a country in December 2010. I arrived in Albania in March 2011. 


What got me here? 
Drive, passion, anxiousness to do something more with my life, desire to travel and see the world- to get out of Streator. But what actual steps? In retrospect I can easily say that the organizations I was involved with in high school and before led the ground work for my interest for more to life and also a passion for volunteering and improving the lives of others. Specifically, I was involved with 4-H for 10 years which required planning, organizing, and creating something. Also, Key Club was heavily influential. We had a crazy busy club that was exciting and entertaining because we were all so dedicated to improving the community and worked together to find innovative methods for such. 


How these particular instances were effective were that they made larger ideas possible. Due to my involvement I was able to accomplish big dreams such as creating the Mr. Bulldog contest, a Whose Line is it Anyway comedy show night at Engle Lane, Spag for Spas, etc. It is empowering to come up with concepts and to have a possibility to see them come to furition through partnerships with my peers and without community organizations. And 4-H taught me to create in the manner that if I wished to compete, I need to be systematic and organized about accomplishing my personal goals. 


Service clubs led the ground work. Working as a volunteer intern opened opportunities for me to show that I have the ability to perform and therefore led to an amazing job opportunity with the gallery. So Peace Corps, is just a probable step on the journey. If you were to ask how can I better myself, do interesting things, and be accomplished; I would obviously tell you to volunteer. 


Where are you volunteering? 
I am a Community Organization and Development Facilitator in Ksamil, Albania. Albania is located North of Greece and across the sea from Italy. Ksamil is located in the most southern tip of Albania. From my living room I can see the crystal clear blue Ionian sea and the Greek island of Corfu. 


Details of Peace Corps in general can best be answered by perusing the website. http://www.peacecorps.gov
I will cover my experiences further, but if you are interested in how you could join this is the best place. In the future I can answer direct questions. Some of the topics that will be covered in the upcoming blog articles and mailings to Mr. Tyne will be about: international travel, eastern european mentality, everyday life, traditional food, maps, walking videos, ancient history of the area, communist and post communist history, perceptions of Americans living abroad, Peace Corps service in general, and my work to improve Ksamil. 


Happy reading, hope that you find this entertaining and enlightening!
Best,
Casey

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Nesting

Previously, I was living in what I often refered to as the hotel or dorm room. Well, I can't complain any more. This is a post to celebrate because I'm able to nest now. My new place was a choice between half of a house on the beach or this new larger communist style block housing. New construction in Ksamil is often meant just for those that are coming for a short summer trip and lacks a lot of space or things like.. counter space or a stove because it's just meant for short term living arrangements. But this is new place is very much what could be lived in year round. And also, I think it's really pretty even for Albanian decorating, it has a lot of potential. If nothing else it's comfortable and puts me more at ease.




I feel that the style of the living room is almost Southwestern with the prints on the couches. Overall, the whole place has a lot of tourquoise, yellow, tan, orange, and other shades of red.






Amazing how much I missed have a real kitchen when I was at my old place and how much having one can affect one to be more comfortable. Now I can finally cook the things that I didn't know I would miss. This weekend being apple pie and carrot cake. A kitchen to myself. 
















Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Need Work!

Merzit means- bored, annoyed, angry, or upset.

I want some work. Give me something to do. Friends, family, acquaintances, even random people that stumble upon this.. send me an email with something to do. I can proofread a bit or give suggestions on writing in general, would love to see some unique art, or maybe you want to suggest some very long tedious task that I could dedicate my free time too. Anything at all. Please.

What am I doing? I'm reading, writing, trying to cook, facebooking, going to the beach.... Really I have done a few things in the office. I created a survey and translated it to German and Shqip. I've researched designs to create a website. I created a database for business information. I started taking this business information to create the html for a wikitravel page. The times we have gone out to businesses I have taken photos for the website. We also made up a list of possible business improvement courses that we could give in the komuna and have been taking it around to the businesses to see what is possible.

This is in 3 months of being here, with about a month and a half of waiting for the elections to be over, losing a counterpart, and getting another.

Working in the office.

But I'm at a stand still today. We've taken the surveys to some businesses and a travel agency. I don't wish to proceed with the website development without working with someone in my office. What is the point of me doing this without someone to continue it once I am gone? The purpose of my being here is to build capacity with the people I work with. However, my office is made up of my counterpart an Albanian American that will eventually be returning to the US, a girl that is my age and a lawyer, a police officer, and a brand new person that is supposed to work on culture development in the school. That all sounds lovely right? Well no one wants to work on what I have to offer really, besides my counterpart. I feel that doing so with him isn't sustainable, however.

Let me explain my counterpart a bit more as well, he is what would be termed a connector. He meets with people continuously all day for several coffees and fields their complaints about issues of the area and the komuna. He knows everyone in town, probably. This is just some peoples' work ethic, it's not a negative aspect. In other ways, he reminds me of my past boss incredibly, to the point of being slightly uncomfortable. I can elaborate with those that wish to understand further, in a more personal, nongovernment reviewed blog.

This is the going to the businesses and having a coffee.
A very regular activity.
So I go with him on his coffees as they are important in building relations, but in a different language and topics that do not pertain to my abilities to accomplish anything, and I get a little merzitem. (bored)

So back to the problem, I've been researching grants but I need the connections to make these things happen and I need people willing to considering doing projects, which is about no one. Do I keep going and just rely on my counterpart? Currently our research and collection of data for the website is not complete because this is what I'm doing, waiting for him.

I'm a worker bee. I like to be set to a task and work my god damned ass off until it's done. I like to find new ideas, organize it all on my own, and pull it off. But that's not the system of Peace Corps, that doesn't build capacity. So what I really need to do is find something that me, that I can accomplish on my own completely. But something worthwhile that isn't just to fill time. 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Living in Ksamil


It has been a very long time since I have written here. PST has ended and the transition into service has began. My site is quite different from everyone else in PC Albania. I'm living in a small tourist village, the most Southern location we place people in Albania. The area is beautiful with the clear, beautiful aqua blue sea that you can see through to the coral below and neighboring uninhabited islands. However, it comes with it's faults of being an area full of issues with documentation for properties which resulted in destruction of many (280) apartment complexes in the area about 2 years ago. Previously it was mainly a location where people lived and worked on the large communism farms and hence has exploded into a tourism venue, the planning and design of such facilitated by the people and not quickly enough being regulated by the government.

Right now there are quite a few tourists, all buffeting themselves through places not often large enough for two cars; unfinished road construction which leaves your cars falling deep into pot holes or flinging rocks as you attempt to get from here to there, plus of course lots of dust and idiot drivers who still think all this is actually the highway. From what I hear, there are still more to come and the village will be bombarded in August. The demographics of the area is very unusual. The majority of people that 'live' here only live here in the summer time and are else where during the rest of the year such as Greece, Tirana, or Italy. Recently I have gotten a new counterpart who is actually American. He has been living there for 11 years, has a business and family in Michigan. We call each other neighbors, since the distance between states is quite hard to describe to Shqiptars.. being that it sometimes would be from going North to South in the country. How large America is, is quite hard to explain. I'll hopefully make a scale map sometime. I was pretty sure everyone thought that I was a tourist that was going to leave at the end of the summer like all of them but our work now is visiting all of the businesses in the area to gather their information for a database on wikitravel as well as developing it for our own website.

We had a change in our mayor. Previously, Ksamil was Democrat and is now Socialist. In the capital, Tirana we were waiting for the new mayor to officially take over. Elections were on the 8th of May, following a week of ballot counting which Edi Rama was declared the winner. However, some ballots were not counted because they were placed in the wrong boxes. By law, these are not supposed to be counted but it was taken to the panel that makes final decisions and were counted. In the original elections Rama won by 10 votes, after the other votes were counted I believe Basha the Democratic candidate won by 60 or so votes. I don't want to go to far into the politics of this as I am jopolitik as a PCV and I don't really know who to believe or what they're actually saying on the news. However, from what I have gathered the right to count votes that were misplaced was denied in the past by the Democrat party for the Socialists. That may have been allowed this time because the President, who was in politics before communism was over and is still in politics to today (hm), is Democrat. I have also heard that people may have misplaced their votes on purpose because they vote for a certain party in order to keep their jobs, not because they are with that candidate. However, I again know very little besides what I hear from a few people. I am not an official representative of the United States in any manner, I'm merely stating what has been voiced to me.

Either way, because of this issue that has been being repealed and so forth, elections that took place 2 months ago have finally drawn to a close. During the wait the municipality workers were not really working as they were in a stand still about what would happen. Often when a new mayor takes office that is of a different party, he or she (she is really rare) fires all of the current employees. Our kommuna is fairly small, so that didn't happen completely. But unfortunately it did happen to some very educated, hard working, experienced employees. My past counterpart actually was let go after working in the kommuna for 11 years, being deeply tied to the community and well liked and known by all I find this quite unfortunate. Of course, I shalt not cry who moved my cheese, as perhaps, as often happens in Albania, party favoritism may have made her less of an unbiased employee. It is merely sad, specially the manner it took place of dismissing her one day after weeks of back and forth on the date of departure. I do think she's a very hardworking, lovely, strong women. In a country where your place in society often rests upon the man you get staked too, she persevered to define herself on her own terms. Of course, la de da, in my humble opinion.

How's your house? I refer to my apartment as my dorm room. It's about the size of the one I had Sophomore year of college.. but slightly smaller. Of course, I have my own bathroom. The kitchen area is a small section in the room with some cabinets, sink, and a double hot plate. Such a funny thing to figure out the things you'll really miss.. like a stove. If only I could bake an apple pie, which I did what? Maybe twice before coming to Albania. Every time I start to complain about these things I have to stop myself of course because this really is the posh corp. I could be in Africa, eating roots and living in a straw hut with a mosquito net..

Why don't you have new pictures up? I was robbed of my camera on a camping trip during PST. Thanks high school boys in Bishem, such a lovely welcoming.

For whoever reads this, which I doubt is many people, please value that whenever you want to talk to someone you can. You live in a country where most everyone understands you. Don't take for granted that if you need to get some where, people may not always be friendly and inviting in America but at least they speak English. It's interesting that I talk to people about things that in America I wouldn't ask about like.. when does the bus come? Or stopping people to ask where this or that is. I'd probably just wonder lost for a bit in America. Here in a different language, I ask because.. I might struggle with the language but people are overwhelmingly helpful. My first trip back from Ksamil during PST I was very ill. The man told me where the bus was when I stumbled into Saranda, sat me down in a place, checked on me often, came and grabbed me when it was time for me to get off. Sometimes they are a bit too helpful, as I have experienced when I go into a store just to wonder around to see what they have but find a helpful shopkeeper coming up to me to escort me to whatever I need. But I must remind myself that the opposite would suck, to not always be welcomed favorably just because I was born in America.

Also, do not make fun of people that don't speak English. Speaking louder, even annunciating more, getting upset, etc don't do that. How lovely that you know when people are speaking about you, how unlovely to catch only glimpses of said conversation. I'm just saying this, not as though this happens often or anything that negative is said about me.. I think.

Albanians really like Americans more then most Americans like Americans, I'm pretty sure. 

So how are you really doing? Well.. I'm not going to go too much into it. I'm feeling lonely and upset at times and wondering why the hell did I leave comfortable, normal surroundings. I'm wondering what I actually will accomplish here, worrying I'm not the right person to have been sent here, anger at the completely idiocy I see at times and have no control over,  fretting fretting fretting. Plus, I really have changed.. less outgoing, more reserved and withdrawn. Hopefully just a phase. If you want to be something just be.. well easier said then done.

I have crazy dreams all the time about being in America just doing normal things like.. drinking beers with friends in the pool but worrying throughout it that I need to get back to Albania. I think that means that yes, I miss America a lot but I know this is where I'm supposed to be right now. It's difficult, but this is what I signed up for.

One last question, how do you say Ksamil? I always drop the k and sah-meal. That is the what the ending sounds like, however, people often do not understand me. Then again, I often say things, they don't understand, someone repeats exactly what I said, and it's understood. I think this is due to putting emphasis in the wrong location when I say words sometimes. My host father told me that the ks is like taksi= taxi.... I just find this extremely difficult to say maybe because starting words with an x sound is basically unheard of in English. Either way, I just repeat myself a lot, go in detail of where it is located in relation to Saranda and sometimes people understand me.